unreachable ☆

I walked slowly down the marble pavement aimlessly. I let out a soft sigh, as I looked down and watched my feet move to somewhere I myself don’t know. To think that I’m alone could feel quite lonely, but I felt more relieved. Too much thoughts and emotions raged through me, making me more confused.

I needed to think. I needed to sort things out.

“What’s wrong with me?” I asked myself softly. I looked at the supposed star filled sky whose light is blocked by the blinding city lights around me.

I bit my lip, recalling the rush of emotions when I looked him at the eye. Why did it seem like time stopped? Why did my heart skip a beat? Why did I even feel that way? Why? Questions swirled through my mind, yet found no answer.

Then it hit me.

“I can’t possibly…”

We are friends. Close.

I know him like the back of my palm and vice versa. It complete comfortable atmosphere around him: I could do the most embarrassing things and he’ll just laugh and joke around, I could call him during a difficult time and he’ll be there…

Yet somehow, his words, smile, soft touches and companionship meant a little more each day. So much so it seemed unbearable not to see him just for a day. He became a drug.

But why?

A crooked smile played in my face. Realization dawned to me.

I like him.

It was plain, simple and obvious. Don’t all princesses feel this towards that person the love? Don’t all romance pocket books try to convey this feeling into words yet still remain indescribable?

But it can’t be. I can’t. I just can’t.

“Hey!” I heard his voice called out, causing me to snap out of my world of thoughts. I looked around the sea of people, somewhat confused.

Damn, I’m getting crazy, now I’m hearing his voice. Snap out of—

“Hey!” The same voice called out, now much closer, softer and I felt a hand lay on my shoulder.

I felt my whole body stiffen as a familiar scent filled my senses. I blinked, not knowing what to do.

“You okay?” He asked.

Quickly I turned around to face him and smiled, “Of course you silly goose.”

“What are you doing here?” He asked me.

“Oh just walking around, probably get dinner somewhere.”

“Then just join us for dinner!” Another voice piped up behind him. Then a warm hug was given to me wholeheartedly.

My eyes widened as I forced a smile in my face. Jealousy crept inside me like an ugly beast, swallowing me whole. I clenched my fist to control it, yet it seemed impossible. Though these ugly desires swell inside of me, I can’t hate her.

She’s also a close friend of mine. She was the one who comes up to me every lunch and doesn’t fail to ask, “Hey, do you want some?” or who accompanies me to some mall shopping. She’s the one who I could trust, someone who is there to listen.

She was nice, carefree, honest…just like him.

They both complete each other.

When she let go, a worried expression is pasted in her face, “Hey, you okay? You look a little pale.”

“Ah, no.” I quickly said, “I’m probably hungry or something.”

He laughed, “Whatever, she probably choked you.”

“Hey! That’s rude. He’s lying right?”

“Whatever, you left a mark on him.”

I bit my lip, trying to suck in their usual chatter. Cute…yeah, whatever.

“Okay guys, no fighting in front of me.” I faked another smile. Looks like I’m getting better at it every day, “I’m seriously hungry.”

“See, I won!” She clapped, as she stepped up ahead of us, “Let’s go find a nice place shall we?”

He stepped up ahead of me too, right by her side and looked back, “Follow us okay?”

I slowly nodded my head.

I watched them bicker on the way, as I silently followed them.

Guilt filled me—I wanted him for myself. Why did he choose her? What’s so special about her anyway? Why not me? What’s wrong with me?

I sighed.

He was still my friend whom I could call and rely on. Someone close.

Yet, why does it feel like he’s so far away—unreachable and impossible to hold?

Like a star up in the sky—he’s so near yet so far.