White Christmas

“I wish for no more lonely Christmases.”

That’s what she said many Christmases before, and yet she finds herself in her couch, snuggled under a fluffy comforter in a state she does not wish to be in.
Alone.

Yeah, sure, she had friends. Many of them actually, but like any normal person, they went to celebrate it with their lovers and families. She received some invitations to some parties, yet she politely refused, knowing she will just feel uncomfortable.

“Ah…” She yawned, as she stretched and blankly watched the Christmas lights in her miniature tree blink on and off, “Oh well.”

She shrugged as she looked over her empty table, which supposed to be filled with food because it’s absolutely necessary to have a feast for the holiday season.

She scratched her hair as she took a lot of will power to stand up and head towards her fridge to search for something decent to whip together and call it a Christmas meal. When she reached her fridge, she felt her heart drop as she let of a sigh.

“Even the fridge is empty.”

She stared at the clock, wondering if there was a convenience store open in this time and in addition it was Christmas. Realizing how pitiful she was, she gave herself mental kick and decided to give last minute Christmas dinner hunting a chance, since it sounded better than staying at home, hungry and drowning herself in self pity and loneliness.

Before she could change her mind, she grabbed her keys, her wallet and wrapped herself heavily for the cold stroll she is planning to venture out to.

-

She shivered as she walked down the icy pavement slowly. She pulled her thick jacket tighter around herself in response to the coldness she felt and continued her way. The Christmas lights that adorned the other buildings around her area blinded her, almost teasing her.

She watched as she spotted some couples happily walking together, probably headed back home to just be welcomed with a family she always yearned for. Some people just do not know how lucky they are to just have someone by their side all the time.

She was jealous.

Yet, she cannot do anything about it.

While she continued walking, she thought of her past, things that was happening now, and things of the future. All of those times were bleak, and the future is looking pretty bleak too.

In her heart, instead of wishing for a no more lonely Christmas, she wished for a sign.
Any sign will do.

-

Fortunately, the convenience store around the corner was still open. She was grateful for just spotting it, since the weather dropped significantly cold ever since she started walking. The thought of a heater and some food comforted her.

When she entered, she immediately caught the eyes of the man in the counter, who wore a surprised look on his face for a little while as their eyes met. She smiled, a little sadly, making her presence known. He acknowledged her by giving out a little wave before she disappeared in the aisle.

How strange he must have thought to actually have a customer around this time on Christmas day. He carefully watched her when she was around his scope of sight. In her basket was a careless assortment of junk food and pre-packed lunches.

“Merry Christmas,” He grinned at her, as she laid her basket in front of him.

“Ah, you too.” She said rather softly, almost heartbreaking for him to hear.

With this, he noticed her sad countenance, giving him a burden to at least make her smile on her way out.

“Hey, don’t worry about the bill, it’s on me.”

“Wha…?” A obvious crack in her voice could be hinted.

When he looked up to hand the receipt to her, tears formed in her eyes, taking him aback.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to--“

“No, no. Sorry for crying so suddenly like that.” She quickly wiped the stray tears on her eyes, “Ah, this season is getting me so emotional. Doesn’t it suck being alone all the time?”

He didn’t manage to answer because she quickly headed out the door, leaving her grocery behind. As quickly as he can, he grabbed the bag and ran after her.

“Wait!” He yelled as loudly as he can, and then the greatest miracle happened.
Beautiful white crystals fell from the sky.

He found her standing still, her hands out, watching the snow fall from the sky. He managed to catch up to her and laid the bag on her hands.

“It’s a sign of some sort,” He broke the silence, “It’s been years since I saw the snow fall.”

“Me too,” She said rather breathlessly, “Thank you.”


That evening, two wishes came true.

God brought her a sign, and someone to celebrate Christmas with.

Love Kitchen

It’s one of those days when his ‘love’ was excessive.

They were a newly wedded couple.

He was away for awhile due to some complications of a business deal in his company. He missed his lovely bride dearly, yet she was concentrated on the the batter she was working on, causing him to sulk a little, like a spoiled brat.

It took a lot of concentration and self discipline for her to concentrate on decorating the plain mocha cake in front of her. She was known to give two hundred percent in everything she does, but what if you have a very distracting husband asking for your full attention?

“That cake can wait.” He pouted beside her.

He was distracting in a good way.

The thought of sitting down in the couch and talking to him for hours was a good idea. But when she heard families of both sides are heading to their house for a visit, she immediately ‘floated’ to the beautiful marble kitchen.

She was determined to impress their guests with her new baking skills.

He sighed, watching as she meticulously worked on the icing tubes, creating small flowers around the circular shaped pastry. Though he loved watching her and observing her actions, the fact that he was away from her for so long made him want her more.

He wanted to talk to her, hold her, kiss her…

Then the darnest idea popped in his head.

It did not take long till he dipped his finger in the bowl of icing that was close by and smudged it on her ever concentrated nose.

This caught her by surprise.

Instead of scolding him, she quickly grabbed a hold of a handful of unused all purpose flour and quickly retaliated.

She let out a small smile as he did likewise.

It was war.

-

“I surrender.” He finally said as she whipped a handful of icing across is beautiful face.

Both are still breathing quite heavily, after running around the kitchen, sending flour, sugar and icing against each other. She laughed, as she took a good look at her husband.

“You look pretty sweet~”

She blushed, and she too blushed in embarrassment on what she just said.

Ah, how corny.

A comfortable silence came between them, both just smiling and looking at the mess they created. Luckily the cake wasn’t destroyed after all that commotion. She then reached for a box of Kleenex on top of the counter as she began wiping his face, following every contour, memorizing every line.

It was the first time she really saw him like this, his face in her touch and painted in sweet mixtures.

His gaze was completely fixed on her, watching her concentrated face as her careful and gentle hands touched him. Her touch left a trail of tingling sensations, knowing if this prolonged, he might not be able to control himself any longer.

When she met his eyes, she let out an apologetic smile, which he returned with a smile that didn’t fail to make her heart skip a beat.

“You look beautiful.” He whispered ever so softly, causing her to stop halfway.

She looked like a total mess: she had traces of flour in her face and a whip of icing was stuck on her long hair.

She quickly covered his eyes, just like the moments she felt embarrassed, since she can’t stand his deep gaze upon her. Those eyes were sincere, and very much mesmerizing.

He grab a hold of her wrists as he softly pushed her hand down, regaining his vision. He noticed there was a blotch of icing in her lip, tempting him to kiss her.

And he did.

bestfriends 2.

It was just as he said.

The very next day, one of the most well known basketball players at school came up to her and confessed to her. Her blood turned could when he did, highly aware and warned beforehand the day before. It’s like his voice was on replay in her head, breaking her heart everytime she heard his very last words:

“…because you’re my best friend.”

What if they weren’t best friends? Would things be any different?

“Will you be my girlfriend?” The handsome countenance who stood in front of her said rather bluntly, disturbing her thoughts.

“Okay.” She simply replied without thinking.

She didn’t know what made her say that--mostly after being warned about his history. But since her mind was rather disturbed and unable to think quite right, her heart gave the answer. If her brain was too tired to think, how much more did her heart suffer? It was barely functioning right, just wanting it to find relief of all the pain it carried. So what will he do now? She smiled sadly. Will he even do something about it?

“You alright?” Her ‘boyfriend’ asked with genuine concern in his voice. He noticed the sudden gloom exactly when she gave him her approval. How strange. Why was her reaction so different compared to the girls he dated?

Something in him ached to reach her. She looked like she was hurting real bad, yet she was too fragile to touch. She was different.

She forced a smile as she nodded.

Her boyfriend, not thoroughly convinced, patted her in the head. It was soft comforting taps, something he did rather slowly, afraid he’d hurt her in some way. Her eyes widened in surprise as she looked up at him. He grinned widely, trying to cheer her up with his actions. She noticed his effort, and her heart felt warm because of his actions. She too, let a small genuine smile to thank him.

“Let’s go?” He ask, as relief filled him after he saw her smile.

She nodded, feeling much better inside. He reached out, asking for her hand. She, trusting him a little more, slowly and hesitantly touched his own hand. Without skipping a beat he held her soft doll like hands as they walked away.

-

He almost choked on his food when he saw her walked with him hand in hand in the cafeteria. Her smile, that same smile he thought that she shared only exclusively with him. For some reason a strange feeling of annoyance started building inside of him. Why is he feeling this way?

The guys in the basketball team who sat with him also stared at the couple in silence, and then looked at him to watch how he would react. He looked away, hoping it was only a bad dream and he wished he could wake up from it. From the irritation awhile ago, it changed to rage, rising within him. It was anger towards her for not taking his advice and anger towards himself for not trying harder to stop her.

“Damn.” He cursed under his breath, punching the table at the very same time, startling the other members.

“You didn’t know?” One of them asked.

“I do, it’s just…”

“It’s just what?”

“I never thought she’d say yes.”

The other members watched as he drowned himself in his thoughts, knowing they can’t do anything about it. It was a fair battle between two friends, and taking sides will just jeopardize their friendship.

“But he’s serious about her.”

The anger inside him soon shifted to self pity and regret. They really never fought like this and if they did, they’d talk about it and sort things out. But ever since that thing happened, he never really saw her around him, as if she was avoiding him. He just wanted to go to her, grab her and asked her what was wrong. That’s when he started recalling the things that happened--trying to find out what did he say or do to cause such a rift between them.

A rift that he didn’t like for one bit.

-

She liked his company. She liked how easy going he was, how open and how attentive he was. Most importantly how he easily detected her moments of sadness, and how he uses little actions to cheer her up. Those are the times are when she thought of a certain someone, and it still pains her to look at him.

Those times she also wished he’d come to her and just say a simple hello.

That day, she took a quick glance at her best friend during the basketball game later that evening.

Her heart ached. Just like as before.

-

Her boyfriend noticed how her glances weren’t focused on him.

Though he was quite hurt, he knew the past history between him and her, and it’s something he should be considerate about. It turns out he wanted her as much as him. She was a jewel, a prize, someone who could easily relate to him, though not directly but relate to him nonetheless.

He…was serious about her.

So serious, he found himself walking across the court, during the middle of a game and grabbing her by the arm and pulled her out the corner she was hiding from.

She looked startled, and even though she did he just smiled at her.

“I love you, a lot. And I’m serious.”

“Eh?”

“So please look at me.”

“I-“

“Will you kiss me?”

She gave a small understanding smile as she pecked him on the cheek.

And a certain person in the court just froze.

bestfriends.

“Good morning,” She yawned, stretching her arms up in the sky. As always, she was meticulously neat. He smiled at the familiar and comforting presence she radiates when she is with him. Besides, they don’t call themselves best friends for nothing.

“Yo,” He waved, as he takes a closer look at her, and since she moved next to him, he continued to study her. He sniffed, noticing a difference in her scent.

“You okay?”

He nodded, “Did you change your perfume?”

She laughed, “Yeah. I can’t believe you notice that too.”

“Uh, having you by my side for about seventeen years is enough time to know what you use.”

“Oh really now?”

“Yeah,” He stuck his tongue, “Based on your slightly crumpled polo, it looks like you woke up late and didn’t have enough time to iron it well. And considering you up so late is probably because you’re studying for that Physics finals you were complaining about a week ago.”

“As expected,” She grinned, “I swear, if you weren’t my best friend, I’d consider you a major stalker.”

Both knew each other since they were babies, with the photographic evidence of both of them in the bathtub together. Their parents were high school friends too, so that alone set basis for them to be friends. Best friends, they say, but people always mistaken them as a couple, considering how close and attached both of them are to each other.

“Did you watch…”

“…the basketball game?” She asked, “Yeah I did. Guess what…”

“…yeah, I know, my team won.”

Yes, they continue each other’s sentences.

“Isn’t it cool?” She grinned, “It’s your fault that I’m into this game of guys going after some ball like dogs.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re excused.”

“Whatever.” He huffed, “Aha, now I know why you slept late.”

“Why?”

“You watched the game before you studied for your finals.”

She was silent for awhile, and nodded.

“Let’s hurry, classes is gonna start.”

“I was about to say that,” She stared at her watch, “My finals!”

-

-

-

“I swear, you two match.” Her friend didn’t fail to vocalize her thoughts, “I mean you two knew each other since you guys are fetuses, now you like whatever he likes, and basically inseparable pair of fools who probably don’t notice that you’re in love.”

“I told you, it’s nothing like that.”

It wasn’t. Isn’t it?

“Oh?” Her friend raised an eyebrow of suspicion.

“Really.”

“I don’t get you two.” Her friend raised her hands up in surrender, “Whatever, but the whole school campus is convinced that you two are really going out.”

“That’s not new.”

“So…what’s stopping you both for being more than friends?”

She smiled sadly back to her friend, a smile that made her friend notice one thing. That smile just told her everything.

She loved him.

The question is, did she even know?

-

-

-

“You’re seriously not going out with her?” One of the guys of the basketball team asked.

“Yeah, what’s with the silly questions?” He retorted, “Isn’t it obvious?”

“No way.”

Then one of them grinned, “I kind of like her. I mean, she’s like down to earth, smart and likes basketball right? Hey, is it okay for me to have her if you don’t want her?”

-

-

-

“Hey,” He waved, “How was the final?”

“I think I passed it.” She grinned, “Physics principles affect any action, including movement in the court.”

“Nerd.”

“Jock.”

Both found a comfortable silence between them, and then both of them laughed all of a sudden.

“Hey, I’m warning you in advance,” He spoke up, in a whisper, “Someone in the basketball team likes you.”

“What?”

“No, I’m serious.” He looked at her straight in the eye. She felt the intensity of his gaze paralyze her that moment, as if she was looking at another person, not the person she knew for seventeen years.

“What I’m I supposed to do about it?”

“Well, he’s a player and all. I don’t want you to be hurt.”

“When did you become my father?” She asked.

“Listen.” His voice is almost pleading, “It’s not that…I’m just…”

She felt her throat tighten, her heart beat twice as fast. Was this the moment she’s been waiting for her whole seventeen years? A time when the person she denied her feelings for time and time again for the sake of friendship will finally tell her that…

“…jealous?” She whispered.

To her surprise she found herself in his embrace, her heart almost giving out. She breathed in his scent, so familiar yet so unfamiliar at the same time. Yeah, they embraced each other, as friends, but this time it’s different. She could feel the intensity, the way his muscles tensed, almost as if he was scared.

To lose her.

“Damn yes.”

She stiffened in his reply.

“I’m so damn jealous. And I’d beat the crap out of him if he ever hurts you. And I know he will, because I know him. Your mine I won’t give you to such a person. Because…”

His voice resonated in her ears as she took a deep breath.

“…you’re my best friend.”

It was a bond and a wall that she cannot break.

webbed.

“I just realized,” He said with a heavy sigh, as if the whole world was on his shoulders. She thought it’s an exaggeration of her thoughts, but then she noted the weight of the matter.

“I love her.”

She looked at him at shock; her mouth dropped a little, trying to let out words that formed in her brain. She always knew that he liked another friend of hers, someone he barely knew. Now he sat next to her, confessing the sudden shift of his emotions. But the paradigm of crazy love triangles is definitely uncovering in front of her, a web that was emotionally hazardous.

“I don’t know what to say.” She simply said.

It turns out; this ‘new girl’ isn’t entirely new. She was her close friend, someone who went through a rather nasty relationship just recently. Though she had a smile in her face, she knew she was torn in the inside, still trying to recover. Not only that, but she’s going through hell in earth when trials and strife doesn’t seem to end.

Her ex-boyfriend was also a close friend to both of them. He is young man who aspires to be so many things, thus blinding him from a person who really loves him. Someone who was willing to carry his burdens and support him with all the things he’s doing. Yet he failed to see which broke them apart.

Analyzing the situation, the balanced tipped greatly. The hurt was still fresh; the emotional pain was still present. Healing it would take time.

The web continues to spin and soon caught him. She glanced at the rather depressed young man next to her.

He fell for her. He was a dreamer, a person hard to grasp because of otherworldliness. He found himself in a grave situation after realizing his true feelings, just how he confessed awhile ago. Knowing he’ll forever be just a friend and won’t even have any possible impact to her current situation caused him to sink deeper in a bog of emotional distraught.

“Why are you so quiet?” He asked her, besides; she’s the only one who could understand him better than anyone else.

“I’m just thinking,” She smiled rather sadly, “Sorry if I can’t help.”

He shook his head no, “It’s nothing.”

She was tempted to just grab him in the shoulders and shake him. Why is he acting this way? This is not him. But, being an introvert she sat down and remained silent. Her heart cried for her three close friends stuck in this horrible web. Yet, she was absolutely powerless. She too can’t do anything.

“Hey, you alright?!”

“Yeah, yeah.” She quickly said.

“Why the heck are you crying?” He asked, trying to lighten the mood, “Besides, it’s my problem. Sorry.”

She shook her head, “It’s nothing.” She stuck her tongue out.

Actually it’s really something.

Something she feared.

She got caught in the web too.

moving on ->

The warm morning sun escaped from the patterned curtains, causing its rays to hit her sleeping face. It didn’t take long till the brightness and its steady heat woke her up from her peaceful slumber. She didn’t even bother getting up from her bed. She stared at the white ceiling above her as she felt the usual morning numbness she feels every day.

Or she wished.

It wasn’t a usual morning after all.

Her mind then flashed back to the event just yesterday evening. She felt her heart sting in pain as she recalled the memories. “Hey, let’s break up.” He said rather seriously, causing her to just blank out on what to do. Already numbed by the statement and from the doubts she was having recently she just smiled and replied, “Ok.” He left, out her door that very same evening, leaving her motionless in her couch as if she just got murdered right there with him carrying her heart.

Even though that was the case she knew he’ll never come back.

A night passed, and here she was, in her bed with her heart numbed in shock, waiting for the thought to still sink in. A part of her wished that it was just a bad dream, but she knew it wasn’t. She felt as crappy as yesterday, feeling the side effects of literally crying her eyes out. She cried so much that night, so much so tears refuse to fall.

She decided, it was a new day, and now she just has to move on.

Besides, he did and left her behind.

She blinked as she forced herself up the bed, looking around at her rather plain bedroom. By her bedside drawer she spotted a photo frame that she picked up and stared for a moment. She smiled sadly, recalling the happy memories that were frozen by the photograph. Their first date together, his hands on hers and vice versa, smiling like a bunch of happy idiots.

A stab in her heart was felt as she continued to look at it, so with impulse she lay it down so her eyes can’t see it.

Even happy memories could make her feel so bad. She bit her lip as she continued to the restroom where she stared at herself in the mirror. Not only she felt terrible, she looked as terrible as she felt. Her hair was in different directions, her eyes were carried by dark circles and her lips chapped and dry. For the first time in her life, she didn’t care.

Actually, nothing really mattered at all.

What could a heartless corpse do?

After attempting to make her look at least decent, she roamed around her rather small apartment. There she realized how much of him was in her life. In the restroom he left his toothbrush which he used when he stayed for dinner or for a movie. In the kitchen, his usual mug was cleaned and tucked in next to hers. His instant coffee brew still had 100 sachets in the cupboard. One of his shirts was still on the line to dry off. Plastic flowers he gave her awhile back were still in the glass vase. There was another picture of him in the entertainment section. Her computer had his picture as wallpaper. The teddy bear he won for her while he played the UFO catcher in the arcade. A pair of socks he gave her for the winter.

She blinked as she find herself choking on many memories, each stabbing her with the fact that it won’t be the same again.

She then decided to get rid of these things before she kills herself in the inside by just looking and reminiscing.

Slowly she placed each and every thing related to him some possible way in a box. The silence forced her to work while her brain asked questions she knew only he could answer.

Why did it come to this?

Relationships go through these right? Why did they both fail to pass it?

Was it her fault?

Was it his?

Was it so bad that it was unfixable?

But even so, why did he give up?

Why didn’t she stop him?

Why did she say ‘okay’?

Why?

She blinked as her voice screamed inside her, tearing her apart.

“Eh?” She patted her now wet cheeks. She found herself crying involuntarily. Quickly, she tried her best to mop herself up, yet she knew she was going to fail. The tears didn’t want to stop at all.

“Why?” She finally whispered out loud as she stared at the gloomy weather out her living room window as if it was a mood ring matching the feelings that was currently plaguing her.

Then a new question formed in her mind.

What if?

What if she stopped him from leaving?

What if he did stop?

What if they worked through all these things that was bothering him and actually went through it?

Her hands trembled as she reached for the duct tape to finally cover all the memories of him in the cardboard box. When it was over she hid it aside where her eyes won’t even see it, a place where one day she’ll forget.

Of course, that was completely impossible since she knew the memories still lived in her.

But she then took a good bath afterwards, finally cleaned herself up, took a deep breath and let out a forced smile, but still a smile. Even though it will take years, even though her heart will still yearn for him and wish he’ll come back, even though she knew once in awhile she’ll find herself crying again…

She made up her mind: with him or without him, she’ll move on.

chopsticks

Boring nights.

Usually he finds himself sitting in a leather lazy boy seat, staring at the white ceiling in top of him. The silence is so strong that he swore it’ll drive him to insanity one day. But what could he do? There’s basically nothing to do but just to sit around until something happens or when the night just compels him to close his eyes to sleep.

But it’s too early for all that.

He finally stood up, the same time as his cell phone rang. In an instant, wishing it’s something worth checking in the first place, he grabbed it.

He received a message from a friend, which simply wrote, “Are you free?”

-

-

-

He found himself stepping into a nice looking restaurant, a local Chinese eatery not far away from home. In just ten minutes he rushed into neat clothes, brushed, washed his face and headed to the place the text message indicated.

It didn’t take long until his friend spotted him and dragged him in a table filled with people. Some people he knew, some he haven’t seen at all. But then he saw her.

He didn’t know her.

Actually, this was the first time he ever saw her.

She was one of the people he didn’t have a clue who they were. She sat just across him, talking to those around her comically and just enjoying a good time.

But he found himself captivated by her presence. He watched her every action, her small smiles, her soft giggles, her conversations…

He felt like he was being a weirdo, but he can’t help it. Is this what people call a guilty pleasure?

“The food is served!” A voice called. Minutes later, food was being laid in front of them. Before he even touched his food, he looked up to steal a glimpse of her eating. He watched her as she broke a wooden chopstick (she laughed when she did it wrong), and when she determinedly positioned each between her fingers. There was also a time when she failed on carrying a piece of meat, so she stabbed it with one of the wooden sticks, and ate it happily.

A smile played in his lips.

“How’s the food?” His friend asked him from behind. He jumped in surprise.

“I…uh…,” He stammered. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even take a bite yet. All he did was staring at her eat…

“It’s real good,” Her sing song voice replied in his place.

“That’s good to know.”

He let out a deep sigh of relief, and when he looked up their eyes met.

He literally felt a jolt of electricity down his back when she smiled at him and slightly raised the piece of meat between her chopsticks, encouraging him to start eating too.

He felt his face turn warm looking away from her, now conscious if she noticed how long he kept his eyes on her. As calmly as he can, he broke his chopsticks and started eating too. He effortlessly ate his whole meal with the pair of wooden chopsticks in his hands.

“That’s so cool!” He heard her say.

He looked up, noticing she was looking at his way.

No, it’s probably someone behind him.

But her eyes met his once more, and because of her amazement, people looked at his direction too.

He could feel the embarrassment befall on him.

“You’re good at using the chopsticks huh?” She asked him. She’s definitely talking to him.

“I guess?”

“You should teach me!”

-

-

-

And then, he sat in his chair, through another night.

“Ding-dong.” The doorbell rang. He stood up and opened the door.

But he wasn’t alone.

She was in front of him, on his doorway with a plastic bag in her hand.

“Care for a Chinese takeout?”