“Damn. Where are you?”
I looked out the big glass windows with the scenic scope of a metropolitan, busy as ever city in my view. I clenched my hands into fists: wanting to scream, yell, throw a fit and hit something. Though mixed emotions and raging impulses are currently driving my blood stream, I can’t do anything about it.
Well, at least venting out in the public.
I’m supposed to be cool, calm and collected.
Yet, there are things that shake me so hard that I’m feeling this way.
I knew it. From all the years I’ve known her she was always a spirited thing, someone hard to cage in. She was like the wind, unable to be captured and the stars so hard to reach. She’ll sacrifice anything for freedom even though it means leaving all the securities and the people she loved behind. That arranged marriage was something. It was like crystal shackles that bound her ever so tightly that I never thought she’ll never escape. But she did. Before they could throw the key away, she grabbed it and took off in a flight.
I knew she was selfish from the very start.
But why am I’m feeling worry than anger?
Maybe it’s that single text message that shook the very inside of me:
“I can’t take this anymore. I’m going to find my own freedom. Please don’t disown me too. Wish me luck instead.”
Every day after her so called freedom, messages from her came in, not vague and not specific enough to find her location. Usually, she briefly wrote her feelings down in words and then sent them to me daily. Every day I ask, where you are, she ignores the message and stops for that day. As every day goes by, worry and frustration builds, knowing she’s somewhere there out there, wandering alone.
I finally summed up the courage to flip my phone open and dialed a number quite shakily. No one answered the phone call, directing me to voice mail service.
“I need to meet with you, it’s about her.” Was the message I left.
“I’m going to find her no matter what it takes,” I muttered under my breath as I walked hastily out the building with a suit jacket on hand.
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I walked inside one of the greatest business centers in the nation successfully covering the anxieties that was present inside my thoughts. I was greeted by many people, some whose faces I recognize, some I even don’t. It is tough being one of the top bankers in the industry, but I really enjoy socializing, and thus, it became the backbone of my very career.
I was headed to the reception desk to ask an appointment to see him.
But even before I managed to head there, someone already tapped me in the shoulder saying, “He wants to see you.”
I followed this neat looking secretarial lady up the building to the highest floor into a suave, executive looking office. In the brown leather seat I spotted him right away. His presence was strong, authoritative yet a gloomy atmosphere roamed the room.
“If you know, please speak up,” His voice was low and tired yet his eyes were upon me, calculating and suspicious.
“You and I both know that I won’t do this unnecessarily.” I replied as calmly as possible, “I heard your daughter ran away. Have you heard from her?” Without any hesitation, I walked closer, so I could be able to see the man much clearer.
He replies, “No.”
I looked straight at his eyes as I walked closer, “Maybe I can help. She's been texting me a while now. I can help you. however, even I do not know where she is."
He opens his mouth, yet no words came out. Pride, one of his fatal negativities didn’t fail to stop him. Pride made him arrange the unwanted wedding, and pride is the one thing that’s stopping him to finding his very own daughter.
I pulled out my phone as I located the very first text massage from her, under her laid it down slowly in the in the oak polished desk.
He hesitantly drew towards it and held the phone in his hand. He carefully read the message. I watched as his expressions grew softer, dropping the emotional guards he put up, He handed back the phone to me as I pocketed the device back.
The man let out a sound of relief as he drowned himself in deep thoughts.
“ I want her back as much as you do, but will you promise me to give her all the freedom she wants?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I knew one thing—pride could only take you so far. That word somehow closed the discussion, so I turned around, walking out the room.
“In return, will you stop seeing her?” A voice spoke up exactly when my hands touched the doorknob.
I pressed my lips in a straight line, my hands clenched into fists. I felt like I was weighing another difficult decision in my hands—a decision that could change everything. But the present is what really matters since the future could always change…right?
A painful smile played in my lips—in the end, knowing that she’s safe and protected is enough for me. I turned the doorknob as the doors opened.
“Yes.” I said, as I stepped out the office.
Promises are promises. And this promise I shall keep.
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“Hey let’s meet in the usual place,” I texted her the very next day.
“Why?” She replied, “Did something happen?”
“The fact that you left without saying anything disturbs me.”
“You know me. How could you not?”
“It’s not me. It’s your family. Even you’re dad is worried.”
“How did you know that? Did you meet him?”
“Yes I did.”
“Strange. Why would he meet you when he dislikes you very much?”
“He had to because it concerns you.”
“How about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you concerned too?”
“Of course I am. If something happens to you I won’t forgive myself.”
“In what grounds?”
I blinked. What did she mean?
“Grounds?”
“Never mind. See you.”
Exactly when I received that message, I quickly took my keys and dashed out my home.
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The usual place: the local mall that we both usually go together. A common meeting place for teenagers and common people. As I drove through the parking lot, I spotted her, somewhat relaxed yet tightly holding a cell phone in her hands. I was tempted to just stop right there and run to her, but knowing myself, doing that will destroy my ever carefree personality that she thought I had. I hated showing emotions, since I feel so vulnerable when I do so.
To recollect myself, I decided to park and walk slowly to her. It was strange, since she wore the most displaced clothes ever. I reached for my phone and texted, “I’m here.” I continued to walk and soon stopped just a couple feet away from her, not moving, studying her.
A ringtone went off, which is hers, and quickly read the message. Afterwards she looked up, revealing her tearstained face. Then a hint of disbelief was present in her face, rubbed her eyes and slapped her right cheek to make sure she’s not dreaming.
When our eyes met, I smiled.
That instant, a light came right up, recognizing me. I walked closer and closer until I was just right in front of her with a smile in my face out of relief. But for some inner impulse I slapped her.
She quickly brought her hand up to the probably stinging cheek she has, as her eyes were clouded with hurt and confusion.
“Damn.” I scolded myself, knowing a barrier was formed between us because of that action.
Then I reached out to her as I pulled her in a deep hug, not wanting to let her go. She hugged me back, though she was still confused.
“If you were a guy, I’d punch you. I was seriously worried.” I said in a muffled tone, her still in my arms, silent.
After a few minutes passed by, I let her go, studying her face again. She still looked quite hurt from what I’ve done and I knew it’s my fault. She’s probably blaming herself of the guilt she feels right now. What a gentleman I am.
Then suddenly, I heard a strange noise somewhere.
“Eh?” I asked looking at her direction.
Then I small laugh escaped from my lips as I realized where it came from, “Come on, let’s go eat.”
I grabbed her hand as we entered the doors of the establishment.
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Exhausted I drove through under the twinkling lights, with her in my passenger’s side, fast asleep. She snored softly, her mouth was a little open. I smiled as I recalled the recent memories I shared with her. They would probably the last.
Because tomorrow…
I sighed, as I kept my eyes in the road.
Ah, the temptation to take her with me. Leave everything behind, giving her all the freedom she wants. I just want to see her happy.
Exactly when I found her, I have to let her go.
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I parked outside her house, and stepped out the car. When I opened her door, she’s still asleep. Knowing her, she won’t budge until the very next morning. I studied her for the last time before I carried her in my arms.
I rung the doorbell, and then her father answers.
He looked at me, and down at her then moved out the way. I nodded as I entered and laid her down in a couch. Before I walked out I looked back at her sleeping figure, knowing she’ll never know what will happen next and hoping that she’ll go on with her life as normal.
I felt a hand in my shoulder, her father, who extended his hand to me for a handshake.
I extended mine too, and then shook on it.
It was inevitable.
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The very next day, she walks in a busy bank.
“Where is he?”
“He left this morning, he’s being relocated.”
“What? Where?”
“I’m sorry but it’s confidential information. I’m sorry.”
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Tomorrow…will be blue.
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