こくはく 「confession」

“I like you,” she said boldly in front of him.

He blinked, smiled then patted her on the shoulder. Her face shone in hope that he liked her too. But to her dismay he turned around, not saying a single word. Her heart fell down to her stomach, as she opened her mouth, wanting to call him back. No words came out. She stood there, speechless as she felt like a bucket of ice cold water was thrown all over her body.

Looks like he didn’t return the same feelings she felt and cherished.

That was a year ago.

“Just give up on him.” Her friend flatly told her one day, “It’s been a year since you confessed.”

She let out a small smile in reply.

After such a confession with no clear yes or no, she wanted to let him go and move on.

But she can’t. He wouldn’t let her.

He continued to be her friend—as if nothing happened. Though it hurt her a little, she knew she can’t let him go that easily. Because of this, her affection grew stronger and stronger without fail. Because of this, a small sense of hope shone inside her that there was still a chance.

A chance that he’ll finally return the same feelings she harbored…no matter how long it takes waiting.

“Speaking of which…” Her friend said unusually loudly while giving her some weird eye signals that tried to convey a certain message.

“What?” She asked in the same volume, totally lost about the situation.

Suddenly a loud slap was heard, and a sting in her back could be felt.

“Boo.” A deep baritone filled her ears as she felt her heart stopped that moment.

Her friend rolled her eyes, ‘Here we go again.’ She thought.

Everyone knew.

Everyone knew how she felt toward him. It spread like wild fire. She didn’t care a bit—she wanted everyone to know. Yet the question remained unanswered.

What did he feel toward her?

“You idiot.” She said.

He stuck his tongue out, “Let’s go.”

“Go where?”

He shrugged, as if he never heard the question. He just headed out the door.

Something froze in her that kept her in her seat for a couple of minutes. Her heart and her mind was racing, both raging and rampant. When she finally managed to hold her cool, she felt a certain déjà vu feeling in her—it was just like the time he walked away that day.

“Hey you!” She yelled before she could lose him, then she noticed that he wasn’t there anymore.

She quickly stood up, said a quick good bye to her gaping friend and rushed out the door.

He was nowhere to be seen.

She felt her heart thumping wildly more than ever, as the thought of losing him came to her mind.

Did she lose him?

Will she lose him forever?

The thought scared her.

Then by impulse she ran through the busy hallway, not caring about the things around her. She felt her peers eyes burned through her back as she fretted. She called his name, yet he didn’t come to her site.

Suddenly someone laid a hand on her shoulder. Thinking it was him, she turned around.

“You—“ It was her friend.

Her friend pulled out a paper in her back and handed it to her. She can’t explain because she was running out of breath trying to catch up with her.

She looked at the paper that was stuck in her back all along. She felt tears build her eyes but she stopped it. Quickly she crumpled the paper in her hand into the ball and looked out the window.

Her eyes widened as she spotted a familiar countenance in the 1^st storey, staring at the horizon. Quickly she opened the window and threw the paper in the person’s direction.

Her friend’s jaw dropped as the paper ball hit him exactly on the head, causing him to look up, bewildered.

“You heartless, cowardly, immature jerk!” She yelled out the window.

This caught the attention of everyone surrounding them. Ever since after the confession, both were civil towards each other. They didn’t fight—ever.

Until now.

“What the heck are you saying?!” He yelled back.

“I hate you! I hate all of you! I hate it when you tease me, steal my homework and mostly ignore when I speak! I hate you smile, laugh and how you make me feel this—damn junkie feeling! After a year of waiting, after trying to give up on you—now you do this?! What’s wrong with you?!”

“You insolent woman! How you speak, act, laugh, cry everything—I learned to like, no love it! You don’t know how you damn messed my mind that day! You don’t know how much your presence shook me every day I see you! You know how I hate not being in control! And you’re the reason why I’m like this!”

Her jaw dropped speechless while the whole school watched the bickering of the two.

A year of pent of feelings was let out, and thus a lingering atmosphere of strong emotion remained in the air.

Then, he smiled that same smile that made her heart melt, the same smile that rejected her and now the same smile that whole heartedly accepted her feelings.

She returned that smile. The same smile that made the very core of his controlling attitude shake, the same smile that he wanted to hold dearly and the same smile that made him realize that he didn’t make a mistake.

In his hands was the crumpled paper where he bluntly wrote:

“I like you too.”

And thus, that was his confession.